Pursuing Your Purpose with Confidence and Heart as a Mixed Woman

Determining and pursuing your purpose can be a daunting task, especially if you’re a mixed woman. 

Your experiences based on your race and gender may make you feel like you:

– Don’t belong anywhere
– Aren’t worthy or deserving of more
– Are you pretending to be someone you’re not
– Have to act a certain way around important people in your life (a way that’s inauthentic)

While it’s challenging to overcome these feelings and beliefs so you can be the woman you want to be, it is possible. 

Read on to learn about how I’m owning up to my power as a mixed woman and how you can do the same.  

Defining Your Purpose

Before you can start pursuing your purpose, you have to figure out what it is. This isn’t something you want to rush. 

Our goals are often influenced by many factors, including race, gender, socioeconomic status, and our environment during childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. Oftentimes, people go after goals that aren’t in alignment with what they want. This can happen because they’re not sure of what they want, they’re not confident enough to go after what they truly want, or they’re chasing someone else’s dream. 

So if you’re feeling lost, confused, scared, or even miserable, consider a few things before you take action. 

1. What makes you happy?

Let’s do an exercise. Think of one thing that makes you happy. It could be a:

– Loved one
– Beloved pet
– Certain place
– Particular memory

It could be something as simple as your favorite color. By focusing on what makes you happy, you can start to connect the dots between where you are now and where you want to be. Connecting with what brings you safety, comfort, and happiness can help you stay present and grounded. I use this strategy whenever I walk into a new place. Despite my social anxiety, I bring myself back to the present moment and tell myself that I belong there.

What makes you happy is closely related to who you are. 

2. Who are you?

This is a big question. One that intimidates teenagers, young adults, and older adults alike. 

I want you to write down four words that truly describe who you are. Here are some ideas to get you started:

– Kind
– Happy
-Playful
-Grateful 
– Spiritual 
– Energetic 
– Generous

Of course, you’re more than one thing. This exercise isn’t meant to force you into a box. It should get you thinking about the way you see yourself and all the things that add up to make you, YOU. 

Growth can’t happen without self-awareness. 

3. How do you lead in life? 

Being a leader doesn’t always mean you’re a CEO or that you have any other job with a title and a clear job description. Embracing curiosity and helping are forms of leading. 

Do you lead by being proud of who you are? 

Do you consistently do things that make you feel good, like reading, meditating, or walking?

Taking care of ourselves and nurturing our self-image so that we may step beyond what we know is leading. Knowing who you are is essential to figuring out who you want to be. Having a vision of who you want to be is difficult when you can only see what’s in front of you at this moment, so how can you feel good about pursuing your purpose when you can’t predict the future?

By planting the seeds now. 

What Does It Take to Accomplish Your Goals?

Have you heard the saying, “Money doesn’t grow on trees”?

Well, I’m here to tell you that it does. 

What does it take to make a tree grow? You might say seeds, water, and soil. What are these essentials in the context of your goals? 

– Time
– Passion
– Discipline
– Commitment 

If you think about your life as a tree, what you’re doing now is affecting your life ten years from now. You’re either planting seeds and nurturing them so they can grow, or you’re leaving them to fend for themselves. 

If you’re aware and pursuing your purpose one step (seed) at a time, you’re creating your own money tree. This doesn’t only apply to monetary goals. It applies to success and fulfillment in all forms. 

The Power of One Step in Pursuing Your Purpose

One step is the beginning of your journey. It’s not about knowing exactly how your efforts will unfold and when. It’s about setting your intentions, finding confidence and motivation from within, and taking one step at a time.

Think about one goal you have for yourself. What can you do now to make your goal happen later?  

When I was finishing my doctorate, it felt like every step was challenging. As soon as I made it over one brick wall, I had to climb over another. I couldn’t see the whole path forward, but I could focus on taking one small action. I kept going and after eight submissions (yes, eight!), I prevailed. 

That one paragraph makes it seem easier than it was. In reality, it was one of the most difficult goals I’ve accomplished. So what kept me going after the first seven submissions?

I envisioned what it would be like if I achieved my goal. I told myself day in and day out that I was worthy and capable. I could see myself as a doctor and I could hear someone calling me that. While I couldn’t see the road ahead, I knew deep down that I was going to do whatever it took to make it happen. 

The truth is that you have everything you need inside of you already. However, it’s not always easy to know that and use that truth to motivate us, especially as mixed women. 

Unique Factors That Might Prevent You from Pursuing Your Purpose as a Mixed Woman

I talk a lot about the unique barriers women of color and mixed women face. Some are subtle, while others are the result of blatant racism and sexism. 

You might not feel comfortable and confident pursuing your purpose because:

– Your family has certain expectations for you based on their own limiting beliefs 
– You don’t know who you are and how to become who you want to be because you’ve struggled with your identity (due to experiences throughout your childhood and adolescence with your loved ones, peers, and/or others in your community)
– Your limiting beliefs based on all your experiences run deep and you don’t believe you’re capable of pursuing your purpose and succeeding 

It’s no secret that lacking a sense of belonging due to being treated as an outsider can lead to further self-uncertainty and self-esteem issues¹. Mixed women often feel this way because they’re told or treated like they’re not enough of one race or too much of another race. This type of social isolation can make you feel lost in your identity, and your purpose as an extension. 

Mental health issues are also prevalent amongst women of color and mixed women because of their racial and gendered experiences. If you’re solely focused on surviving, pursuing your purpose so you can thrive is the last thing on your mind. 

I’ve Been Where You Are 

I don’t know exactly what you’re going through because we’re all a collection of our unique experiences and circumstances. However, I know what it feels like to have limiting beliefs about myself and my capabilities based on how others have talked to and treated me as a mixed woman. 

Determining and pursuing your purpose requires a commitment to figuring out who you are and what you want. 

It’s not as easy as flipping a switch, especially when our limiting beliefs are tied to our experiences in childhood and adulthood. When they’re based on race and gender, they can go deeper than we realize and continue to affect the way we show up in all areas of our lives.

If you’re looking for an empowerment coach or speaker to offer guidance on pursuing your purpose and embracing your true self so you can thrive, please reach out. 

* This article was adapted from a live presentation entitled “Owning Your Light” by Dr. KayLa N. Allen at the Radiant G Conference by The Girls Empowerment Network in Houston, Texas. You can watch the presentation on YouTube @drkaylanallen. 

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