Overcoming Limiting Beliefs as a Mixed Woman: Are You Standing In Your Own Way?

We all have limiting beliefs that prevent us from being our best selves. They often get in the way of us pursuing our passions and growing. As a women’s diversity, identity, and leadership coach and speaker for mixed women, I’ve come across the same limiting beliefs many times. 

If you’re a mixed woman, you’ve probably experienced at least one of these situations:

• Your family only acknowledges or celebrates one culture, which makes you feel like you’re missing out on a part of yourself 
• You’re either treated like you’re a novelty (i.e. fetishized) because of your differences, or you’re put down or excluded because of them
• Members of one race or group dismiss your racial and cultural experiences 

All these experiences lead to a mindset of “lack” for many of us mixed women. You might struggle with feeling whole. You likely feel limited because you’re placed into boxes without fitting easily into any of them. You focus more on what you aren’t instead of on what you are. 

The truth is that our limiting beliefs are often not our own, at least not at first. They stem from our experiences with other people. 

Being on the receiving end of discrimination, racism, and negativity can make us feel like we’re not able to achieve our goals or pursue our passions. As women in general, we’re placed beneath others, and if we adopt that belief, we’ll remain stuck where we are.

I want you to know that as a mixed woman, there’s so much greatness in you. Your limiting beliefs aren’t permanent. You can learn to stay true to who you are and shine your inner light so others can see it, and feel encouraged and empowered because of it. 

The Types of Limiting Beliefs That Are Keeping You Stuck

There are three main types of limiting beliefs and they can all affect your ability to succeed and be happy. These are limiting beliefs about yourself, the world or life in general, and others. 

Some examples of limiting beliefs about yourself are:

• “I’m not creative”
• “I can’t handle pressure”
• “I’m not worthy of love or respect”
• “I’m not capable of being a leader”

Examples of limiting beliefs about the world include:

• “Loving what you do is a rarity”
• “Nobody like me can succeed in my field”
• “I can’t trust anyone because everyone will betray me eventually”

Finally, limiting beliefs about others can be:

• “Others won’t love me unless I do X”
• “Everyone who knows me thinks I’m annoying”
• “Nobody will accept me for who I am if I don’t choose one side of my identity”

Notice how the limiting beliefs about others and the world still relate to how you see yourself. You make assumptions about how others see and feel about you based on your relationship with yourself and past experiences.  

What Contributes to Limiting Beliefs?

Your racial, cultural, and gender-related experiences impact your self-esteem, identity, and beliefs. 

Identity development starts in childhood. However, overcoming limiting beliefs, low self-esteem, and even self-loathing is possible at any time in your life. Several factors affect these aspects of your identity, including:

• Your home life 
• Your relationships with your parents or guardians
• Interactions with your peers (at school and work)
• Experiences within your community (church, school, neighborhood, etc.)

While many people gain more self-awareness as they get older, some limiting beliefs are so deeply ingrained in our minds that they’re difficult to spot and change. Even one experience that causes you to doubt yourself or feel like you’re not good enough can stick with you. This is usually due to the reinforcement of a belief by other people or events in your life. 

It’s particularly challenging for mixed women and women of color when they continue to experience discrimination, racism, and sexism. However, it’s essential to learn to notice your limiting beliefs so you can triumph over them and live the life you want for yourself. 

Why Overcoming Limiting Beliefs Is Crucial for Your Health, Success, and Happiness

Limiting beliefs can hold you back from achieving financial and career success, happiness, and better health. 

Limiting beliefs in relationships, particularly those related to low self-esteem, often lead to unhealthy communication. They can cause conflict when one person projects insecurities about themselves onto their partner and seeks support indirectly¹. Instead of asking for support, they might pretend like nothing is wrong while displaying sadness or anger. These issues can cause dissatisfaction and unhappiness for both partners. 

Limiting beliefs often go hand in hand with low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is associated with poor mental health outcomes. However, a study of over two thousand adolescents demonstrated a positive effect of self-compassion on mental health, even in those with low self-esteem². In this study, the definition of self-compassion included accepting:

• Adversity…
• Self-doubt…
• And negative thoughts about yourself…

As a normal part of life. While this perspective is the right place to start, I go a step further with my clients to help them build their confidence and self-belief so they can move forward when faced with adversity. 

Finally, there’s a gender gap when it comes to self-esteem and its impact on workplace performance and upward movement. 

One study followed 112 staff members of a university. Self-perception accuracy was measured by comparing participants’ self-ratings with their direct reports’ ratings of their leadership behaviors³. This study, as well as several others, confirmed that men tend to overestimate their skills and performance. Alternatively, women tend to underestimate or accurately estimate themselves. 

This type of underestimation is often exacerbated for mixed women and women of color. One study found that women and ethnic minorities who had experienced discrimination or perceived it had lower psychological well-being⁴. 

Reframing limiting beliefs is essential for embracing who you truly are. Only then can you become who you’re meant to be. The healthiest, happiest, and most successful version of you is on the other side of your limiting thoughts.  

Reframing Your Limiting Beliefs 

I recently heard someone say something like “Life is a series of weird evolutions of self.” There is so much truth in this for mixed women. We see ourselves in so many different lights that it can often feel like we’re in the center of the dancefloor at a strobe-light event. The trick is embracing what you see while working to view yourself in a more positive light. 

Many mixed girls and women have limiting beliefs about their ability to succeed. To remove limiting beliefs, you have to reframe them. First, you have to do some self-reflection.

1. Reflect and identify your limiting beliefs.

Think about any negative assumptions you have about yourself, others, and the world. 

Are there any beliefs you have about your skills, personality, or identity that prevent you from pursuing your goals and passions? Write them down, consider where they came from, and think about why you feel that way. 

2. Adjust the way you talk to yourself. 

For every limiting belief, come up with an empowering one. 

If you believe you’re unworthy of love, tell yourself “I am worthy of love because I am a kind person who cares about others.” You might not fully believe it at first. It might feel strange, but with time, you’ll start to realize it’s the truth. 

Notice when these thoughts about your worth and value come up so you can reframe them. Then, make these positive thoughts a regular part of your self-talk routine.

3. Embrace a learning mindset and take actions that challenge these beliefs.

If you’re insecure about a skill or your lack of knowledge in a certain area, commit to learning. You don’t have to know everything. Nobody does. You also don’t have to be great at everything. 

Everyone who’s become “the best” at something started from the bottom. Even they have to continue to evolve to reach new heights and compete against themselves. Be willing to work your way up to confidence and try to avoid the comparison trap because nobody is perfect. 

It’s also important to start taking actions that challenge your limiting beliefs. If you believe you don’t have what it takes to be a leader, take small steps to become one. You can start by taking more initiative at work, sharing your ideas openly, or speaking up for yourself if you want more responsibility and opportunities. 

4. Work with an empowerment coach. 

I work with mixed girls and women who need support as they come into their power. You are capable of accomplishing your professional goals, finding fulfillment and happiness, and being healthy. 

I’m here to give you encouragement and accountability, as well as my expertise from my personal experiences and my work with my clients. Please reach out if you or your mixed daughter need empowerment to confidently pursue your goals.

1. Indirect Support Seeking

2. Self-Compassion vs Low Self-Esteem

3. Underrepresentation of Women in Academia

4. Responding to Discrimination