For yourself and others
Your identity as a mixed woman can enable you to create lasting change within yourself and the world.
Your unique experiences may make you feel:
- Confused about who you are…
- Like you’re either unwanted or desired for your differences (i.e. fetishized)…
- Conflicted and torn between two or more different cultures, ethnicities, and worlds…
If you feel this way, you’re not alone. You’re also not helpless.
You can create lasting change within yourself and the world. Change that empowers you and others, especially those mixed girls and women who are going through what you’ve gone through (and what you’re probably still going through).
How? I’ll tell you.
How to Create Lasting Change
It’s not easy to create lasting change. It requires a lot of trial and error. However, a great starting point is determining who you are, where you’re coming from, and your desired outcomes.
- Start with yourself
At the beginning of your life, who were you? What’s your background? Did you have one or two parents or guardians? Which cultures are you a part of? Do you speak one or several languages?
All of the experiences that relate to these details matter when it comes to your identity and self-image. They influence the way you treat yourself and how you show up for others.
What about now?
I want you to answer for yourself, what makes you who you are. Start with one word.
One thing that makes me who I am is my ethnicity. I’m African American and Mexican American. I am 100% both at all times. I express it in my clothing, the way I wear my hair, how I communicate, and in many other ways. I feel proud of who I am and embrace it. You can’t change the outer world unless you improve your inner world.
Now, what is your purpose? How do you want to change the world?
Everything you do in your life, every one of your experiences, and every decision you make is important and either pushes you toward your purpose or away from it.
- Think about someone close to you
How are you different from them? Do you like other music? Do you have different financial backgrounds?
As contradictory as it sounds, differences can create unity. They open us up to new ideas while also helping us determine our values, expectations, and boundaries.
Now, think about what you share with them. Maybe it’s your shared values. You may have similar goals or life visions. It’s important to realize what you share as much as what you don’t share. You may have different goals in life, but you both share the same core beliefs. These similarities are important to determine when you’re trying to connect with others and create lasting change in the world.
In the same vein, cultivating lasting change within yourself requires you to…
- Remain open to learning
It’s no secret that being willing to learn about yourself, others, and life means you’re better equipped to handle challenges. Whether they’re personal or professional struggles, having an open mind can help you understand your own feelings, needs, and experiences. This in turn helps you connect with others.
After all, how could you get where others are coming from if you don’t even know what’s going on inside yourself?
- Gain cultural proficiency
As a mixed woman, you likely understand the plights of other mixed or minority groups. You might be able to say that you’re culturally competent because you understand and care about the struggles of the person next to you. However, it’s important for us to continue working toward a greater understanding of others and what they’re going through. It’s also crucial that we take action to create lasting change when it comes to critical social issues like racism and discrimination.
Why be competent when you can be proficient?
Cultural proficiency is consistently putting in the effort to understand others and take action to handle situations with sensitivity, empathy, and effective communication.
The detrimental effects of not becoming culturally proficient have been observed in real-life events. One case study demonstrated the damage that a lack of cultural proficiency did to diverse families of one school¹. The principal sent a well-intentioned survey to several African American parents without context. While she was trying to be helpful, her lack of cultural proficiency led to an uproar. Many parents felt discriminated against and singled out.
This case study was just one example of how ignoring or deprioritizing cultural proficiency can worsen outcomes for all involved and lead to lower levels of understanding and compassion between different groups.
- Give before you receive
To create lasting change, you have to give to yourself and others before you receive.
This means giving yourself love, respect, and belief before you truly feel them. This can be in the form of daily affirmations, self-care, and taking small steps toward your goals.
It also means giving your time, energy, and love to others. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should spend all your time and attention on just anyone. Focus on those who are important to you and who don’t take advantage of you. Remember to set boundaries when necessary.
- Keep taking action
You can’t create lasting change with one thought or act. It’s an ongoing process that requires a commitment to yourself and others.
It doesn’t have to be complicated. As with everything else, baby steps are the key to sustainable success and well-being. Once you develop the tools and habits you need to demonstrate compassion and understanding toward yourself and others, you have to make sure you don’t get stuck. The maintenance phase still requires self-awareness.
We often fall into the trap of assuming we know all there is to know once we become good at something. If you want to create lasting change, you have to be truly committed to your mission.
Create Lasting Change to Improve Your Health, Happiness, Success, and Impact
Life will send you backward, forward, left, right, and every other way. Sometimes you’ll come up against a wall. However, you can put in the work to develop the tools and skills that can help you get over that wall. Only then can you create lasting change.
A deep, compassionate understanding of yourself is necessary to bring about internal and external change.
When I first started speaking, I was terrified of being judged, messing up, and not inspiring anybody. However, as a mixed woman, I knew there was plenty that I needed to say. I knew I could create lasting change for someone else if I could do it within myself first. So I pushed through my fears and I now teach others to do the same.
In a world of diversity, everybody has had to find some way to get through life. If you’re willing to do the inner work, you can do a whole lot more than just get through it. You can enjoy it, love yourself and others, make a difference, and cause a ripple effect that changes the world.
This article was adapted from a live presentation entitled “How Identity and Diversity Shape Our World” by Dr. KayLa N. Allen. You can watch the presentation on YouTube @drkaylanallen.
If you’re looking for a speaker to empower those who are struggling with identity, diversity, goal-setting, or general success and well-being, please reach out.