How to Be More Resilient as a Mixed Woman: Let the Real You Shine

Figuring out how to be more resilient is a process that requires intention, grace, and self-empathy. 

The definition of resilience is the ability to bounce back from struggle. It sounds so simple, yet for mixed women who have gone through a lifetime of being told or treated like they’re not enough or too much, it can be quite difficult. 

I struggle with this word because it implies we have to go through something horrible to develop resilience. You can gain wisdom from negative experiences. However, facing your inner turmoil is the true path to resilience. 

As mixed girls and women, we face negativity from countless directions. To be more resilient in our personal and professional lives, we must understand, appreciate, and believe in ourselves.

Don’t think that you must accept constant external turmoil to figure out how to be more resilient. You deserve a life that is far better than that. 

Besides, as a mixed woman, you’ve likely already dealt with external challenges in the form of:

• Racism
• Discrimination
• Isolation and bullying
• A lack of racial socialization as a child

I can’t promise you’ll never face these challenges again if you build resilience. However, you can learn to face them and not allow them to pierce your self-belief and worth. 

Once you do this, you’ll find out what you’re capable of. You’re in the right place if you’re wondering, “How can I be more resilient?”

Can You Be More Resilient at Work and Home?

Racial socialization refers to communication within a family regarding how to cope with trauma related to race and racism. It often protects against racially charged experiences and promotes psychological resiliency in mixed children and children of color¹. However, racial socialization alone is not enough to combat racism and cement your resilience. Whether or not you had it in your youth is not an indicator that you’ll fail or succeed.

One of the first steps in becoming more resilient in every area of your life as a mixed woman is to believe in yourself. It may sound corny, but we’ll talk about why this is necessary later in this blog.  

If you can get a grip on resilience (gained wisdom), there is nothing you can’t conquer. This doesn’t mean you will magically become perfect. You can’t be all-knowing. 

In your personal life, dear mixed girl, you will enter seasons that seem almost unbearable. However, if you’ve cultivated the skills to be more resilient, you can apply and reapply this wisdom like it’s the sunblock of your entire life.

In your professional life, nobody moves from one level to the next without learning about themselves and their abilities along the way. Being able to bounce back from situations that try to break you is how you grow, thrive, and eventually flourish. 

One thing you must always keep in mind is you are your only and fiercest competitor. Having resilience in your back pocket will ensure that you can face the person in the mirror.

Challenges Mixed Women Often Face That Affect Their Resilience

External judgment is one of the most significant challenges mixed girls and women face. It has the power to affect how we see ourselves. Everyone deals with this in their lives. However, in the diverse/mixed world, it can be incredibly damaging. 

Occasionally, I find myself questioning and second-guessing: 

• Horrible looks 
• Rude comments 
• Seemingly innocent interactions 

We seem to have these experiences more often than other groups, but that doesn’t mean we have to let them hold us back from our potential. 

About two weeks ago, I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a post from a page I follow and like. A lady created a post that said something to the effect of, “I appreciate women who do not judge their fellow women.” It hit me in a hugely powerful way and I had to comment. I found myself saying that in a world where there is so much division, we women have to support, encourage, and uplift one another. 

I followed that comment by saying that there’s no point in connecting to movements that matter to you, like Black Lives Matter, if you go out into the world and bring down other women. As a human being and mixed woman, I’m sure you’ve heard jokes, noticed looks, and been on the receiving end of someone’s damaging opinions. 

When it comes to dealing with racism and discrimination as barriers to your success and happiness, remember that it starts with you. It starts with all of us, as individuals, being willing to fight for ourselves and our collective well-being. 

So, if you want to be more resilient and make a difference in this world, do the following:

• Be active in your community 
• Educate and empower yourself and your children
• Seek to promote honesty, understanding, and empathy in your everyday interactions

All of us benefit when we try to be more resilient as individuals, as well as support others in their quest for confidence and resiliency. 

Going Beyond Resilience

While we want to be more resilient in different areas of our lives so we can thrive, it’s not always enough to stop there. 

One study found that while Black women were psychologically resilient, their self-rated physical health was lower than other races². Other studies have examined the detrimental effects of discrimination on mental health. 

Be intentional and apply your resilience to different situations if you want to truly thrive. 

You have to stand in your light and allow the external voices to stay external. You don’t have to allow them to penetrate your heart or mind. 

So, how can you do this?

Ways to Be More Resilient 

1. Believe that you are already living in your truth and walk in that greatness

It sounds counterintuitive, but sometimes we have to believe something before we can prove it. 

One type of intervention that supports this idea is self-affirmation. Self-affirmations have been shown to promote resilience and improve performance in a variety of settings and circumstances. 

One study found that they mitigated the effects of negative stereotypes on marginalized groups, such as African American students³. Students in these threatened groups saw improved academic performance after implementing self-affirmations. 

2. Reflect often on what you have overcome and what that means about you as a person

Confirmation bias means we look for proof of what we believe. If you want to be more resilient, look for proof that you are. 

If you view yourself in a negative light and keep telling yourself that you’re unworthy of happiness or success, you’ll behave in a way that doesn’t support your growth. You might not realize it, but you’re influencing the impact of your efforts by thinking a certain way. 

3. Remember you are your greatest competition 

Walk in your truth every day and choose to continue to grow. 

Make it a habit to reflect on how your thoughts, beliefs, and actions are affecting your outcomes. Are you taking steps that build resilience or hinder it?

Work on making yourself your friend instead of remaining your greatest enemy. This goes back to controlling and redirecting your harmful thoughts. 

4. Don’t allow what you’ve faced to become a chapter in your life’s book 

Your negative experiences are only meant to be a few pages, not your life story. 

It may seem impossible to get through your mental and physical roadblocks, but it’s entirely possible if you commit to learning more about yourself. Get curious but not judgmental. 

Try different techniques to find what works for you as you try to heal and become the best version of yourself. 

Some techniques that might help quiet the loud voices in your head include:

• Meditation
• Journaling 
• Self-affirmations
• Getting professional help

5. Seek effective support 

When you feel like you don’t have the answers to create your next level of wisdom, ask someone with the expertise and experience to help you.

I help mixed women and girls overcome their internal and external blocks so they can thrive personally and professionally. 

If you’re ready to be more resilient, happy, and successful, please reach out to book a free consultation. 

1. Springer Article
2. Sage Pub Article
3. Wiley Article