The mixed-race fetish takes many forms, all of which are harmful to mixed individuals. It affects mixed girls and women in the short term and long term.
Well-meaning comments about someone’s appearance may seem harmless. However, putting someone on a pedestal because of their skin color, hair, or eye color isn’t a good thing. It often contributes to creating a world where people learn to hate one another for their differences.
As much as I’d love to say that I’ve never faced this type of fetishization, that would be a lie.
I’ve seen and been on the receiving end of comments like:
“You are so lucky that you can tan easily.”
“You’re not like those types of people (i.e. people that are one part of my racial identity).”
“You’re so lucky that you could have mixed babies.”
Then there’s the mixed-race fetish in relationships. You hear people talk about their preference to be with someone “exotic.”
These attitudes can have so many negative consequences and cause more harm than good.
How Does the Mixed-Race Fetish Harm Young Girls?
Children are not always directly exposed to fetishization. However, they still pick up on words and behaviors.
When they overhear comments about their mixed status, they won’t usually go in one ear and out the other.
It’s common for us to internalize comments and treatment relating to our appearance and certain aspects of our identities. Children in particular are vulnerable. They’re still developing their self-image and their views about the world.
They may tie their self-worth to their appearance. Others might want to blend in because they feel self-conscious about their differences. So, they end up stifling the person they’re meant to be.
The mixed-race fetish often manifests as colorism, promoting the beauty and uniqueness of lighter skin tones and mixed features over darker skin¹. This harms Black women, other women of color, and mixed women.
Instead of the color of their skin being a source of pride and a core aspect of who they are, it can become a source of shame and confusion. Even comments that children hear in passing such as “Your child has the prettiest skin,” or “Mixed children are the cutest” can have adverse long-term effects on their self-worth.
Stereotyping and discrimination can contribute to the development of:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Self-esteem issues
- Other issues related to identity struggle
The mixed-race fetish perpetuates harmful stereotypes that affect mixed girls and women alike.
How Is Talking About Being Mixed as Desirable a Harmful Thing?
While the mixed-race fetish implies that being mixed is desirable, it’s clear why many individuals feel dehumanized and isolated by it².
Due to the fetishization of multiracial relationships and having mixed babies, those children may later suffer from one or both parents’ lack of cultural education.
Childhood isn’t tainted with the same worries and demands of adult life. However, that doesn’t mean that being a child and learning how to adapt to every stage of life isn’t difficult. One simple experience can create a waterfall effect of detrimental views and actions.
Teaching a child how to love themselves beyond what others may say can be life-changing. Being a mixed girl in a world that doesn’t necessarily understand what comes with that means there’s a lot to be done at home.
If you’re a parent of a mixed child, you must maintain a birds-eye view and allow your child to grow. They have to understand that the world is not always so kind. In other words, you can’t shield your children from everything. Doing so harms their development.
However, you can meet any experiences they have with mixed-race fetishization with awareness, love, and redirection.
If you’re an adult dealing with the impact of these experiences, you’re not alone.
How Fetishization Continues to Affect Mixed-Race Women in Adulthood
The effects of the mixed-race fetish don’t disappear in adulthood. We’re not immune to negative external judgments as we age. I know this firsthand.
In fact, what we hear and observe as children is usually amplified in adulthood. Mixed adults often still face fetishization and discrimination. It doesn’t usually get easier to ignore.
If you’ve been told things like:
“You’re not [insert race] enough.”
“I have a thing for mixed women.”
“You don’t understand what it means to be [insert race] because you’re mixed.”
You might still struggle with identity issues and feel isolated. This can affect your desire to be involved with other people of that racial/ethnic group, as well as the culture and traditions associated with it.
Mixed women also deal with the detrimental effects of the mixed-race fetish when dating. Many mixed women are often concerned about how their relationship is perceived³. They may also worry about making sure that mixed-race fetishization is not present in their relationship. This concern can significantly impact your ability to connect with others and have healthy relationships free of stereotyping.
Every mixed woman deserves to be in a relationship without being pressured to water down or neglect any part of their identity. We deserve to live our lives without feeling like objects of desire or envy.
Mixed woman, you have so many wonderful things to offer to the world. Don’t allow the voices, opinions, or acts of others to diminish your “wholeness.”
I know, this is easier said than done. That’s why we’re going to talk about what you can do to combat the mixed-race fetish so you can thrive and surround yourself with those who respect and appreciate you as you are.
How To Protect Yourself (Or Your Daughter) From Mixed-Race Fetishization
I wish I could wrap you up in a giant ball of bubble wrap to protect you from fetishization and what comes from that, but I can’t.
What I can help you do is face the world and understand the power of your presence. These steps will help you protect yourself and your child from the damaging effects of fetishization.
- Engage in self-reflection
Think about what makes you who you are. Consider the person you want to be and block out the noise. Focus on your strengths and what you love about the person you are right now.
Work on your self-image through affirmations. Educate yourself and your children about your heritage. Embrace the growth process.
You can’t improve your self-image overnight, especially if you’ve been experiencing discrimination and fetishization for your entire life. However, you can chip away at the negative thoughts and limiting beliefs that hold you back.
- Distance yourself from others’ words and actions
If you’re a mixed woman, focus on becoming emotionally intelligent and self-aware so you can comprehend that people speak from the place they are. You can’t force people to change their views and behavior, but you can control how you respond in these situations.
Recognize that you’re in control of your relationship with yourself. Nurture that relationship and leave others’ issues with them.
If your daughter is experiencing any of this, make sure you are being the best version of yourself. Only then can you be a part of a healthy support system for her.
- Stand up for yourself
While you can’t change others, you can stand up for yourself and encourage others to educate themselves.
Don’t be afraid to speak about your pride and struggle with your identity. Tell others when they’re engaging in harmful behaviors.
If your child is experiencing fetishization at school, don’t ignore it. This is a time to give love, open your ears, and leave your experiences and biases at the door. Children can’t easily walk away from what hurts them. As a parent, you must be willing to listen, create a space of safety and understanding, and do some work on yourself so you can support them as best as possible.
We must be willing and ready to stand up for ourselves and teach our mixed daughters what it means to be whole within themselves. If you or your daughter is experiencing fetishization, you don’t have to walk through this without help.
Reach out and I’ll help you create a plan of action so you (and/or your daughter) can flourish and be proud of who you are.
As social wellness month comes to an end, I want to remind you to take time to cultivate and lean on a solid support system. Life is not to be lived or experienced alone.
Dr. KayLa N. Allen is an International Motivational Speaker (DEI, Identity, Leadership, and Girls and Women’s Empowerment), Thought Leader, Multicultural Women’s Transformational Coach (Diversity, Identity, and Leadership Coaching) – Certified Health and Well-Being Coach (for Women), and a Leadership Development Consultant. Learn more about her services and how you can begin your journey through business and personal evolution/personal development by clicking the button below.