Raising a Biracial Daughter to Have a Strong Identity and Healthy Relationships

The unique struggles and joys of raising a mixed-race daughter

Raising a biracial daughter can be different depending on each family’s circumstances. No family is the same, but the guidance in this blog can be applied across all situations. 

If you’re a parent, maybe you’re:

• A single parent
• An adoptive parent 
• The minority parent
• The non-minority parent 
• Biracial or mixed yourself 

Regardless of your family structure, it’s crucial that you’re raising your biracial daughter in an environment based on:

• Trust 
• Empathy
• Openness 
• Communication

Like so many mixed children, I couldn’t fit in no matter what I did. I rarely talked about it with anyone. The one time I did, I was told to brush it off. While that was part of what I should have done, this response did not give me strength, awareness, or preparedness for future experiences. 

Recently, I told my mom about being picked on (as a child) because I was different. She asked me why I didn’t tell her. I told her that I just dealt with it. I didn’t think about telling her because I thought it was my problem not hers. 

I’m not here to point fingers. I’m here to help you so your mixed or biracial daughter can develop a strong sense of self that brings her growth and happiness. 

Common Mistakes Parents Make When Raising a Biracial Daughter 

I want to reiterate that there’s no judgment. You’re here because you care and that’s a sign that you’re already on the right track. 

Mixed girls, and mixed individuals in general, often struggle with mental health and identity issues. Several studies have shown a positive correlation between high self-esteem and a strong ethnic identity¹. 

When you know who you are, it’s much easier to determine what you want and go after it with confidence. It also makes it easier to face judgments without them damaging your sense of self. 

Let’s talk about what to avoid to set your mixed or biracial daughter up for happiness and success. 

1. Misguided expectations (even though you have good intentions)

Don’t assume that your child knows how to face the world simply because you’ve set a good example for her.

A supportive home environment is a crucial part of your biracial daughter’s development, but it’s only the beginning. 

You can’t protect your daughter from everything, but you can make sure you prepare her for challenges she’s likely to face outside of your home. Ignoring or brushing off her questions will only leave her more confused. Pretending that her mixed identity doesn’t exist will lead to the same results.

2. Using pride to avoid discussions 

Don’t think that your child should just be proud of who they are and know what strength they hold. 

Identity starts at home, but it becomes a part of your truth over time. 

Being too protective or brushing off difficult moments can also negatively affect your child’s self-perception. 

Encourage your biracial daughter to acknowledge her strengths, but don’t ignore the struggles she faces or likely will face. 

3. Assuming your opinion matters most

Inserting your bias about how great your child is, and thinking that your thoughts or opinions will hold first place in their mind when judgments are present, is a mistake. 

Other people and experiences will influence her.

No parent knows exactly what they’re doing all the time. As individuals, we are always learning. So, you can’t expect your mixed daughter to automatically know who she is and have unwavering confidence.  

While your biracial daughter may have support at home, you must address what she experiences in interactions with her:

• Peers 
• Teachers
• Other members of your community

So, let’s go over what you can do when raising a biracial daughter to ensure she has healthy relationships with herself and others. 

How to Raise Your Biracial Daughter So She Has a Healthy Sense of Self

Raising your biracial daughter to have self-love and respect, as well as pride in her identity, is not an easy task. However, there are some actions you can take to help her in her identity formation so she’s prepared for a happy and healthy adulthood. 

1. Listen for comprehension, seek clarity, and then advise her in a loving and empathetic way

In any relationship, it’s important to validate the other person’s feelings and experiences. This is especially important when raising a biracial daughter. 

Don’t assume you understand what she’s going through. Ask questions to make sure you get where she’s coming from, validate her, then try to guide her. However, be willing to seek help from others if the situation isn’t something you can fully grasp or address. 

Furthermore, take the time to learn more about your daughter, as well as the mixed experience in general. 

Your mixed or biracial daughter will likely experience unique challenges, such as racial invalidation. A small study of biracial college students found that racial invalidation can lead to symptoms of anxiety and depression². 

Even if you’re a mother who’s mixed, that doesn’t mean you know everything about raising a mixed or biracial daughter. You may have similar experiences, but she’s a different person and it’s a different world. 

2. Don’t try to raise her alone 

It really does take a village to raise a child, especially a biracial child. Wise counsel from a coach who has walked in her shoes is one of the best things you can give her.

Unsurprisingly, those in a supportive environment are more likely to feel confident in their decisions regarding the development and expression of their identity. External support can be a protective factor against judgment and pressure from others³. 

If you and/or your partner don’t have firsthand experience with a part of your daughter’s identity, seek out help from someone who does. 

I offer transformational coaching (diversity, identity, and leadership) for mixed girls and women so they can understand and appreciate who they are. Without this acceptance and confidence, you’ll hold yourself back from your greatest potential. 

3. Have open conversations and expose her to different cultures 

Being a good listener and communicator, and being accepting of other perceptions and experiences, are so important when raising a biracial daughter. 

Be willing to learn with your daughter. Set an example and show her that she can be proud of all aspects of her identity. 

Use your best judgment to determine when your child is ready to talk about race, culture, and identity. However, make sure you don’t use your discomfort or fear as an excuse to wait too long. 

4. Work on yourself 

It’s important to understand who you are through and through so you can grow and be the best you can be for your child. 

If you’re mixed or biracial yourself, make sure you’re not projecting your own experiences and limiting beliefs onto your child. 

You can help your biracial daughter more if you’re secure in your own mixed identity. 

5. Pay attention to what’s going on outside your home

Your daughter may have a supportive family who helps her love herself. However,  someone mistreating her outside of your home may go unnoticed. These experiences may seem small, but they add up. 

I never knew how to respond to children being unkind or unwelcoming to me. 

This is why it’s so important to encourage your child to communicate with you. You must make her feel safe and heard if you want her to continue talking to you about these experiences. 

You can’t control this completely. Many children naturally pull away, especially in their teenage years. However, you can do your best to take the steps we discussed so she feels supported. 

Final Advice From a Transformational Coach for Mixed and Biracial Girls and Women

If you’re walking through life with a blindfold and you’re aware that somewhere nearby is a fork in the road, how would you know which direction to pick and why? You have to choose blindly.

This is the epitome of the mixed ethnicity experience. 

None of us can do life alone and being a biracial or mixed individual usually makes it more complicated. To create a healthy identity in your child, both of you need support and guidance. You’re not alone. 

Seek out effective coaches, mentors, speakers, and others who understand the mixed experience. There are so many people who can help you feel confident and comprehensive in your approach to raising a biracial daughter. 

Reach out if you’re ready to commit to learning and growth for you and your biracial daughter. 

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