Remain in Character
From the Archive | Originally Published April 2022
“Remain In Character”
Growth often requires people to learn new skills, develop new perspectives, enter unfamiliar spaces, and stretch beyond what once felt comfortable. Very little growth, however, requires a person to abandon who they are at their core.
Pressure to adapt can be helpful when it encourages learning, maturity, and growth. Difficulties arise when adaptation slowly turns into performance and people begin adjusting their values, personality, emotional expression, or sense of self in order to fit the expectations of others.
Authenticity is often discussed as a personal choice. Belonging, emotional safety, leadership, and environmental influences all play a role in that process as well. People are constantly receiving messages about which parts of themselves feel acceptable, valuable, professional, desirable, or worthy of being seen.
One question remains just as important today as it was when this article was first published:
Who are you when nobody is asking you to play a role?
Archive Note
Identity and character are deeply connected. Relationships, environments, expectations, and social pressures all influence how people learn to present themselves and navigate the world around them. Remaining grounded in who you are while continuing to grow remains one of the most important balancing acts of human development.
The original “Remain In Character” blog explores themes that continue to appear throughout much of my work: identity, self-awareness, authenticity, belonging, leadership, and the importance of remaining connected to who you are while navigating growth, opportunity, and change.
Remain in Character
Do you know who you are?
Okay…do you know who you are around your family and friends?
Well…do you know who you are in business spaces?
Let me ask again, do you really know who you are?
If your answer to those questions shifted in extreme ways, you may need to do a little reflecting on the role you are playing in your life.
As an individual that is choosing to evolve your life consistently, you are leading in a way that many people never do, do not know how to do, or they think they do not have to do. No matter what type of leader you may be, your good character is of added value to what you do and for the growth of others, so it must be appreciated – that starts with you.
Value of yourself starts inside as does your identity, character, and sense of worthiness. While elements of you should adjust slightly depending on what you are facing, your character should not change.
When faced with life, your well-being, or anything that is at the center of your universe you must recall who you are and there is no room for you to change that definition for the sake of others.
If you do not remain in your true character amongst others and choose to play a role, you will not succeed and will not look the same as what you see in the mirror. The things that you want to have in your life and in what you do will only be possible if you are tapped into who you are, and you are elevating the power of yourself inside and out.
Conforming to meet a standard or become what you think others want to see in you will only give you what others want. True success and happiness are things that only you can grant yourself. So, if you are detached from the truth how can walk in your truth and be a beacon on light in the spaces that only you can walk in?
Your awareness of self and your well-being play a significant role in becoming the next version of yourself, so they must be in alignment. Do you understand what that really means? There are no changes to your heart and soul that must be changed if you are being a good person and you are staying along the path that you want to be on.
Only when you add a bit of sparkle and strength to the truth of your greatest self while honoring how hard you are working in your evolution, can you become success in a sustainable manner.
Seasons change and your mindset should as well, but you as a whole must remain the same at heart. People will love and cherish you for you. Keep working hard, learning, leveling up, and loving yourself, it will all pay off.
Be blessed and be at peace.
Dr. KayLa N. Allen-Young is the founder of Dear Mixed Girl® and a certified health & well-being coach whose work explores identity, belonging, emotional intelligence, cultural proficiency, and human-centered leadership. Through writing, speaking, coaching, and educational experiences, she supports girls, families, educators, and leaders in developing healthier relationships with themselves and the communities around them.
This reflection is part of the Dear Mixed Girl® archive — a growing collection of writings preserved across different seasons of thought, growth, and becoming.
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